Blonde Jokes – A Theory

 

I recently received an email from an old friend of mine about blonde jokes and I was tickled pink from it, like I always am. Being a brunette I have always taken immense pleasure at sticking it to blondes (what can I say, I’m passive aggressive, lol). Am I ashamed of myself for my actions? Not in the least! Yeah, yeah – brunettes always come off as the bitter, ugly ones without a date and so be it. If my little consolation prize is to giggle at ‘dim witted blondes’ then leave me in my cocoon of embittered jealousy to laugh myself to death.

 

The obvious truth is (dare I say it?) blondes are not stupid and actually it’s fascinating to read about the origins of where this stereotype came from. Some people think it all began with Anita Loos Gentlemen Prefer Blondes, with Marilyn Monroe perfecting the role, but there are theories that the stereotype goes back further. Some suggest that because most Caucasian children are born with at least a touch of blonde in their hair that being blonde is linked to infancy, hence fawning over blondes and encouraging them to act like a child. Another theory suggests that the Greeks and Romans were fascinated with the fair hair of the Nords and Celts, so they would try and dye their hair with toxic chemicals to achieve the same effect, causing mental illness. One other theory argues that in the Middle Ages, aristocrats often had dark complexions and stayed indoors, whereas the lower (dim witted) working classes slaved outside in the fields all day, hence a lightening in hair and darkening of skin. Whatever the reason, the stereotype persists and I suppose I shouldn’t buy into it (especially considering my mother is blonde) but hey, what’s an embittered brunette to do on her lonesome every Friday and Saturday night apart from brew up some more blonde jokes? Ha! (Ever noticed that the good witch is always blonde and the wicked witch is a brunette?….)

 

Anyho, here’s some blonde jokes, enjoy!

God Loves Blondes
 
A blonde finds herself in serious trouble. Her business has gone bust and she’s in dire financial straits. She’s so desperate that she decides to ask God for help. She begins to pray… “God, please help me. I’ve lost my business and if I don’t get some money, I’m going to lose my house as well. Please let me win the lottery.” Lottery night comes, and somebody else wins. She again prays… “God, please let me win the lottery! I’ve lost my business, my house and I’m going to lose my car as well.” Lottery night comes and she still has no luck. Once again, she prays… “My God, why have you forsaken me? I’ve lost my business, my house, and my car. My children are starving.  I don’t often ask You for help, and I’ve always been a good servant to You.  PLEASE let me win the lottery just this one time so I can get my life back in order.” Suddenly there is a blinding flash of light as the heavens open. The blonde is overwhelmed by the Voice of God, Himself…
“Sweetheart, work with Me on this…. Buy a ticket.”

The Accident

    A blonde had just totaled her car in a horrific accident. Miraculously, she managed to pry herself from the wreckage without a scratch and was applying fresh lipstick when the state trooper arrived.
    “My God!” the trooper gasped. “Your car looks like an accordion that was stomped on by an elephant. Are you OK ma’am?”
    “Yes, officer, I’m just fine” the blonde chirped.
    “Well, how in the world did this happen?” the officer asked as he surveyed the wrecked car.
    “Officer, it was the strangest thing!” the blonde began. I was driving along this road when from out of nowhere this TREE pops up in front of me. So I swerved to the right, and there was another tree! I swerved to the left and there was ANOTHER tree! I served to the right and there was another tree! I swerved to the left and there was ….”
    “Uh, ma’am”, the officer said, cutting her off, “There isn’t a tree on this road for 30 miles. That was your air freshener swinging back and forth.”